I love bad movies. I say this loud and I say this proud, but I feel like many people take this statement the wrong way quite often. It isn’t to say that I believe all movies under such an ambiguous umbrella are, in fact, “bad” as in terrible. To me, “bad” can mean many things. After all, wasn’t it only a few decades ago that “bad” also meant “good”? Well, to me, that double meaning still has merit as I do enjoy bad movies.

Now, of course, there are two types of bad movies. Movies that are so bad they’re good and movies that are so bad that they’re just bad. Of course, in the end, it’s all a matter of opinion and taste in the eye of the beholder. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Some might look at a film like “Plan 9 From Outer Space” and say that’s a bad movie.

Maybe, but I still enjoy it for the fact that even though the acting might not be great, the special effects are hokey and there’s quite a few mistakes like visible boom microphones, it still has that certain charm to it that allows me to watch it over and over again. It’s a fun movie that really doesn’t take itself too seriously.

On the opposite side of the coin, take a film like “The Lord of the Rings”. I know plenty of people that love this film, but it just bores me to tears. It looks nice, sure, there’s plenty of computer generated special effects, yeah, but it’s boring to me. It looks far too polished and, in way, takes itself too seriously by pretty much faking everything. It’s just another case of the Hollywood machine doing what it does best by churning out over polished films.

I like to watch a film that’s raw. Give me a guy in a rubber suit that I can see the zipper in the back over a computer generated monster any day. Give me an obvious matte painting rather than a computer generated background. You can keep your high-definition, your Blu-Ray and most certainly your 3D because I still hold onto my VHS collection. It’s quality over quantity, it’s the care and attention that’s put into these by smaller groups than massive studios.

This is why, especially these days, I find myself searching outside of Hollywood more often for more independent movies made by smaller studios that make movies just to make movies. The kinds of people who care about the art of film making more than the color of money. Also, in my mind, it helps if the concept of their creations is unique, ambitious and creativly interesting.

Something that I believe totally fits the bill with Arrowstorm Entertainment‘s “OSOMBIE”.

Yes, the movie is about a zombie Osama Bin Laden. I find this concept to be quite interesting in many ways, but mostly because it reminds me of a sub-genre of exploitation movies that I think can only be summed up by the term, “Hitler-ploitation”. During World War II the boys who stayed at home did their best for the moral of the country by pumping out movies about Hitler that, obviously, painted him in a negitive light.

The films AFTER World War II did a similar thing, for the most part, although they mostly dealt with the aftermath of Hitler’s death and the ways in which he could return. I think the most famous of these films would have to be, “They Saved Hitler’s Brain”. Of course, there were countless others where they tried to clone Hitler, bring him back from the dead or whatever, but you get the idea.

Is this the beginning of a new genre of films? Osama-ploitation? Maybe. Either way, I learned about this film only today and already I want to learn more about it; hell, I even put fifty dollars of my own money towards helping produce this film. To me, this is the true spirit of independent film making and what seperates them from big time Hollywood studios.

Hollywood fears the internet, because they simply don’t understand it at all. To them, they only see a barren wasteland like the old wild west where everyone is a thief ready to steal their goods straight from their stagecoaches. Meanwhile they offer us snake oil to prove that, hey, they’re really our friends and they’re doing the best to provide us with the best entertainment possible!

No.

You see, Kickstarter is this wonderful website (much like another site akin to it called IndieGoGo) where people can ask for help to fund their projects with the added benefit being that depending on how much money a certain person donates they will be compensated with goods or perks.

Being that I also love to collect unique stuff it’s hard for me to resist really.

Independent film studios, much like Arrowstorm Entertainment, know the internet and they know how to work things by using such a feature to help fund their films and generate buzz. Therefore, as I mentioned before, I couldn’t just stand idly by and went ahead and slapped down fifty dollars on the proverbial table.

What does this amount get me in the end?

The ULTIMATE FAN PACKAGE – an exclusive Kickstarter Supporters Edition DVD signed by director John Lyde and members of the cast, a signed CD of the epic soundtrack, a signed copy of the screenplay by Kurt Hale, an Osombie range target by Ops Gear, a signed 11×17 inch poster, plus Zombie Insurance.

Seriously, who could ask for more? That’s quite a deal at fifty dollars, at least I think so, especially when it’s helping to fund such an interesting movie. Still not convinced?

Check out the trailer:

Awesome, right? If you think so, I suggest throwing a few bucks into the jar, too.

Needless to say, I will most likely review this film and all the goodies I receive.

It’s not often that I find myself in Toys R’ Us these days because, let’s face it, unless you’re a kid, or you’ve got a kid, you always feel a little out of place. Oh, sure, maybe their commercial jingle mentions how one doesn’t want to grow up, they want to be a Toys R’ Us kid, but the reality is that you will grow up and, as much as you want to think you’re still a kid at heart, there’s only so many times you can use the “I’m shopping for someone’s kid” excuse until you get some weird looks. Especially for someone like me who goes in there only to check out and see if they’ve got the newest professional wrestling action figures.

Don’t judge me.

Anyway, on a recent excursion, I happened to stumble on something that made me question my sanity for a moment. First of all, I should preface this by saying that I went to the theater and saw the movie, “Real Steel”. Yeah, you know the one, with Hugh Jackman and Rock’em Sock’em Robots. At least, that’s the joke that everyone kept making whenever anyone ever heard of the movie. Overall, I enjoyed the movie for what it was in that it was a movie with robots kicking the crap out of each other and something about a father and son coming together or whatever, but who cares about that?

ROBOTS!

FIGHTING!

FUCK YEAH!

Therefore, imagine my dismay when I saw this…

What the hell–?! Okay, so let me get this straight… you make a movie that people joked was just a Rock’em Sock’em Robot movie and so, therefore, you logically go ahead and make a damn toy that is basically just Rock’em Sock’em Robots?!

What is this, I don’t even…

Of course, considering that this is a toy it’s therefore targeted towards kids and, unless you’ve got a kid who knows his history, there’s a good chance that a kid this day has no idea what Rock’em Sock’em Robots even is so this is news to them, I guess.

Now, getting to control little plastic representations of robots is one thing, but getting to actually pretend you’re a robot yourself? You know, without the use of cardboard, a metal pasta strainer and multi-colored pipe cleaners (worst Halloween costume ever!).

Well, don’t worry, because the toy makers thought of everything…

ROBOT HAND BOXING GLOVES! Now, these are nothing really new I’m afraid. Back when The Hulk movie was all the rage they released giant green Hulk hands that made Hulk noises when you tried doing your best impression of the Hulk smashing stuff; except for, you know, box office records.

They did the same for The Thing (from the Fantastic Four, not the John Carpenter movie although that would have been awesome, too) but they went the extra mile be giving you FEET! Now, when I was kid, I had a pair of dinosaur slippers that used to roar every time I walked so I can see the appeal, but who wants to be The Thing? I mean, seriously.

Now, I know what you’re saying: “Yeah, wearing plush boxing gloves that make robot sounds is nice and all, but isn’t there a way I can look like a robot myself that I can buy instead of make myself that will look really, really bad?” Of course!

Although, why would you even think that, I have no idea…

I mean, look at this thing: it’s the ATOM ROLEPLAY SET! Now you too can dress up like the world’s worst robot for only THIRTY-FIVE(!!!) dollars!

This all inclusive set includes: a complete set of two orange mittens, a plastic mask that looks like something a well-known horror movie icon rejected and what appears to be either a long-sleeve t-shirt or a cheaply made smock that’s a nod to old cheap costumes from the 70′s. Everything old is new again!

By far, though, the creepiest thing about this is the child in the bottom right who is modeling the finished product.

Seriously, just take a look at this kid and ask yourself one question:

NIGHTMARE FUEL or FUTURE SERIAL KILLER?

While there have been many video games that have been turned into movies, there haven’t been that many board games that have had the same treatment. The only one that comes to mind is “Clue” which, at least to me, is one of my favorite comedy films of all time.

However, in the past year or so, I’ve heard rumors of board game movies that are set to come out within the the next few years such as Monopoly, Candy Land and Battleship, the later of  which has an actual trailer!

Well, Hollywood, if you’re completely out of ideas as this point than why not let me give you a few more if you’ve gotten so desperate as to steal ideas from board games…

PERFECTION

Remember the catchy jingle that was in the commercial?

“Put the pieces into the slot, make the right selection, but be quick you’re racing the clock; POP goes Perfection!” Well, okay, imagine this: an insane man whose goal is to weed out those who are not perfect sets up a series of bombs around a city.

These bombs can only be defused if someone perfectly aligns a series of electronic symbols into a computer connected to said explosives within a certain time period, or else they will explode.

A down on his luck detective who has always been a bit of a slob, and the antithesis of “perfect”, who was always good at puzzles finds himself wrapped up in this deadly game. It becomes not only a race against the clock to stop these bombs, but every time he defuses one it gets him one step closer to the location of the insane man himself whose behind everything.

CROSSFIRE

This board game had, quite possibly, the most epically awesome commercial of all time. Therefore, it can only be assumed that a movie based off of it would have to be equally as over the top and utterly ridiculous.

As the narrator in the commercial explains: “It’s sometime in the future; the ultimate challenge: Crossfire!”

Therefore, here’s how I see a movie based on the game being: Sometime in the future, sports have crossed with war into the ultimate challenge of life and death called “Crossfire”!

Ever since the introduction of this barbaric event, war has been abolished and instead a tournament that occurs every four years (replacing the Olympics) decides the powers of the world based on how well countries place within the tournament.

This year, the representative from the United States enters the tournament to reclaim the glory of his country after America lost early in the competition at the previous event and fell into hard times as a result. As this brave patriot makes his way through the tournament, he quickly learns that there is much backstabbing and greed that comes with it and must overcome all the odds to save not only himself but his entire country from the brink of annihilation!

MOUSE TRAP

Anyone who ever played this game never really played the game as much as they simply just set the damn thing up just to watch how it worked and then promptly boxed it back up again until they wanted to see how it worked again after watching the commercial.

If you were to actually make a movie based on this board game, I think you could go the “SAW” route with it in terms of it being about an inventor who becomes so obsessed with trying to make the perfect mouse trap that he starts using human test subjects. Plus, Rube Goldberg traps of death just sound dangerously awesome.